Should Women Decentralize Men To Find Happiness?
Popular Content Creator and Traveling Blogger Stephanie Perry opens up about life as a 49-year-old, never-married Black Woman. She boasts about the freedom she enjoys as a “nomadic” house sitter who regularly travels & stays in beautiful places for free.
She also runs a summit dedicated to Black Women who want to escape the grind of the workforce and transition into a life of ease, travel, and fulfilling friendships.
Her page emphasizes freedom from obligations that do not serve Black Women and encourages the gallivanting soft life—brimming with adventure, sisterhood, and above all— happiness apart from men!
In her video, she explains how happiness and fulfillment can be had without romance and encourages women to “decentralize” their relationships with men. Instead, they should focus their energy on nurturing female friendships because, according to Ms. Perry, that’s what’s guaranteed to last.
Stephanie Perry’s video highlights an ongoing trend. More women are seeking alternatives to the traditional way of life by avoiding marriage and childrearing in exchange for career development and self-fulfillment. According to a recent report, 45% of women ages 25 - 44 will be single and childless by 2030. This is a significant number that only seems to be trending upward.
What was once labeled the quiet, shameful struggle of unlucky “spinsters” is quickly becoming the lifestyle choice for modern women.
I’ll be the first to say I have no issue with a woman living whatever life suits her.
Some women truly prefer singleness and have no desire for romantic relationships. They are content alone and find purpose in other things.
But let’s be honest—that’s incredibly rare!
It is neither healthy nor God's intention for almost half of the female population to be without their own nuclear family.
Not only does that spell disaster for the current American Population, but it also goes against our natural design as humans. We are extremely communal creatures and need family systems to thrive. This individualistic society undermines our very nature to the core, creating a breeding ground for psychological problems and toxic loneliness.
Most people desire to have that special someone, and there is nothing wrong with that!
My problem with the idea of “decentralizing men” is that it gives women a reason to sabotage their own desires. If you are a straight, heterosexual woman who wants a relationship, no amount of trips, nomadic living, vacations, or girlfriend retreats will fulfill that romantic desire.
It’s like craving a piece of chocolate cake and then reaching for a green smoothie. Yeah, the green smoothie is healthy and may even boost your energy! But that cake will be calling you right after you’ve taken the last sip.
Likewise, there is no substitution for masculinity. There is no substitution for a relationship.
Some women who promote decentralizing men, come with a resume of failed relationships. It’s not that they chose singleness, it’s that they haven’t experienced success in that department. But instead of admitting, “I want to be married but can’t seem to get along with men,” and sitting with that uncomfortable truth, it’s easier to brush off that desire as irrelevant and unimportant.
But we don’t have to do that. We don't have to sacrifice our relationship goals just because we’ve had poor success. If a person is willing to grow and learn then anyone can improve their track record.
I am not opposed to a woman choosing singleness if that is her first and best choice, but I also encourage women who want a relationship to acknowledge that!
Don’t fall into the trap of “decentralizing” your own desires for a romantic life, thinking that career advancement or vacations will fill that void.
If you truly desire to become relationship-ready, do the work required because it’s worth it! I like to start with the principles outlined in the Bible—understanding God’s purpose for marriage and the beauty of a covenant relationship. Embracing spirituality and a close walk with the divine is foundational to learning how to love yourself and others.
You can also look into therapy or different recovery programs that teach women how to face their own junk while nurturing their assets. With that kind of knowledge, you’ll start to attract better options and also enter any future relationship with clarity, humility, and realistic expectations. Hanging around other successful married couples is helpful, as is being open to correction from wise women who have a track record of success in their relationship lives.
Really my point is—don’t decentralize men unless you absolutely want to!
Travel and fall in love!
You can do both.