Being a Black Woman doesn't make me a prostitute.
Let’s face it, not everyone respects Black Women.
We’re often depicted and portrayed in roles that confine us to stereotypes.
Over the last few years, I’ve spent hours challenging tropes, assumptions, and perceptions related to Black Women and their femininity.
We’re all familiar with the “Strong and Independent” sexless Boss B&*ch who has sass, ass, and even more success! She may not have a man, but she’s holding her own —and doing it in style! She's secretly lonely, and her overly confident, hard-to-deal-with attitude is a cover-up for the emptiness she harbors because she believes no man wants her.
We’re no stranger to that stereotype; it’s been recycled throughout sitcoms, television series, and the Black Family experience. Some affectionally call her “Rich Auntie” and can identify specific family members who match that description.
Then, there is the Jezebel character, the modern-day prostitute. The hypersexual Black Woman that just can’t close her legs. She has many boyfriends and even more baby daddies. She is always with a man and loves sleeping with the highest bidder. She raps about sexual exploits and her many suitors (or clients). Everyone hears about her kitty, and she invites all to explore it.
She is community property.
Rappers like Sexyy Red, Sukihana, Glorilla, Meg Thee Stallion, Ice Spice, Latto, Cardi B., and other examples of Black “Jezebels” use their platform to raise up a generation of “Hoochie Babies” that sleep around.
Some say they’re just rappers. Others say it's just music. But celebrities are like royals in American culture. They’re used to promote trends, deliver messages, and shift culture. While some see no correlation between damaging tropes and the everyday experience of Black Women, I do.
I was reminded of this today.
With the sun bright and shining, I looked forward to a scenic walk.
I head outside—tracksuit on, pink sneakers, a Trader Joe's bag, big pink headphones, music blasting—I’m relaxed, carefree, and enjoying the moment.
It’s a safe neighborhood with parks on every corner filled with giggling kids and manicured lawns. Within minutes, I’m at the farmers market and next to trails decorated with green foliage and mature trees.
As I listen to a Gospel Song and walk down a sidewalk, a White Male Senior Citizen pulls up in his fancy BMW. He follows me slowly, waiting to get my attention. I initially ignored him, thinking he was doing something else, then turned my head once I realized he wanted my attention.
It was an awkward moment. I was clearly preoccupied.
Out of nowhere, he starts talking and gives me an offer, an unsolicited deal.
I couldn’t distinguish every jumbled word, but a few things came across clearly.
He invited me out for a “good time” and promised he had hundreds of dollars to spare on this adventure. With lust in his eyes, it was clear he was NOT inviting me to a Bible study—unless it involved strip teasing.
YUCK—I was simply not interested!
Refusing to entertain his advance, I immediately informed him I was married and continued walking.
He rolled up his window and drove off, and that was it.
Luckily, that interaction ended quickly.
But I was bothered.
Nothing about me was dressed sexually. Nothing about me suggested I did sex work or anything close to that. The neighborhood I’m in is not known for prostitution. You’ll find more deer and squirrels than Sex Workers. And if someone is a Lady of The Night, she is discrete, private, and charges a high premium. You certainly wouldn’t solicit her in a park near an Elementary School!
What emboldened him to interrupt my stroll and make an unsolicited offer? His behavior was inconsistent with this area's reputation.
Sadly, I already knew the answer to my question.
It was my Blackness.
-The Bay Area is no stranger to Black prostitutes. While you mostly see them in cities such as Oakland, their reputation is known, and they’re easy to find.
Some don’t distinguish between a Black Prostitute and a Black Woman. Some believe they are interchangeable.
In my experience, those ignorant of other cultures rely on media representation to draw conclusions.
The reputation of Black Women is negative, with slavery tropes alive and well in modern-day minstrel shows disguised as music videos. Today’s Female Rapper proudly raises a generation of hoes. This serves to further denigrate the perception of Black Femininity.
Believe it or not, White America overwhelmingly consumes Hip Hop music. I wonder how many assume entertainers represent the Black Community? Those who exist in predominately White areas may rely upon their screens to understand the community. That’s a scary thought.
Imagine perceiving Black Women through the lens of Sukihana, Nicki Minaj, Sexyy Red, or even porn!
What would you believe about Black Women?
Something told me that old White Man saw me through a broken lens. His confidence told me this wasn’t his first time soliciting services from Black Women.
Sadly, some Black Women might have jumped on his offer. The right client can turn into a long-term arrangement, and women are openly selling their bodies in exchange for paid bills.
I also believe there are Black Women who have internalized the stories told about them. They look to their favorite artists as inspiration—not understanding that media and Hollywood are often antagonistic to Black people.
As a Black Woman, I look beyond popular culture to define my value and self-worth. I can’t always believe what’s being said or portrayed about me or my people.
The answer to strong self-worth is always a strong spiritual identity. If we allow God to reveal our value, worth, and purpose on this earth, toxic messages won’t shame us into self-destruction or abuse. I draw inspiration from the scriptures and the life of Christ, whom I follow. That regularly inspires me to disregard messages that undermine my values. It’s also crucial to understand the history of our ancestors their experience, and how we got where we are today.
By understanding their traumas, we can take steps to break generational curses and usher in healing. We can glean from their strengths and build upon their success by acknowledging their triumphs.
Yes, there is Sexyy Red, Sukihana, Glorilla, Meg Thee Stallion, Ice Spice, Latto, Cardi B, Doja Cat and the like—but there is also Ida B. Wells, Coretta Scott King, Harriet Tubman, Zora Neale Hurston, Frances Cress Welsing, Michelle Obama.
Even biblical examples of Black Women can be used as inspiration to understand our own spiritual capacity. Zipporah, the Wife of Moses, one of the greatest Prophets of the Bible, supported his God-given vision. The Shulamite, King Solomon’s beloved wife, teaches us about purity and the power of marital romance. The Queen of Sheba, mentioned in the Old Testament, is largely responsible for the rich Biblical & Spiritual heritage that remains in Ethiopia today. This nation boasts the longest-written and documented Jewish & Christian history. Bathsheba, the mother of King Solomon, the wisest man in the world, passed on her wisdom to her royal son. Ruth the Moabites shared lessons of strength, character, and endurance and, in the end, was greatly rewarded for her valiant character. All these honorable Black Women led lives that would inspire the world for generations.
If someone treats you like a prostitute or assumes you’re lesser than—know that you’re not, and you don’t have to be! God gave you the capacity to build families, influence communities, shift culture, instill value, receive love, disseminate wisdom, and empower generations. You can do great things with dignity, class, and self-respect—with your clothes on!
Understanding God’s purpose for your life enables you to live joyfully and walk confidently, inspiring those around you.
Knowing your culture arms you with awareness, humility, and deep self-respect.
Yeah, some just see you as a Booty Call—but that’s their problem.
You get to decide what you believe about yourself.
As for me, I’m not a prostitute, and being Black doesn’t make me one.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by and hang out on my page, it truly means a lot!
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Society teaches the younger generations to expect their parents/garudiauns to "accept them" no matter what version of themselves they present. Most parents foolishly fall in line. Others do no such thing. Positive Self Identity probably the most undervalued investment asset among Black Americans despite being the least expensive to get in on. And if being hopelessly stubborn on that point make one a "bad guy" - so be it. The situation is completely out of hand.
"Thanks" for sharing. Unfortunate that you had to experience that. I use quotes because you were invaded, yet still shared the uncomfortable experience, which is important and you've correctly used this as a teaching/learning opportunity. Sadly, the proverbial horse is out of the barn when it comes to White people — in this case male — thinking they have wanton access to Black people, particularly females who wear their hair natural and are dark skin. Regrettably, Jodie Turner-Smith and now Lupita N'yongo have made this once forbidden public lusting now mainstream. For clarity, Turner-Smith was quite public in her marriage to the White actor Joshua Jackson. They recently divorced, but now N'yongo appears to be in a very public romantic relationship with him. As you've keenly pointed out in your writings these behaviors of Hollywood are plastered on the screen for all to see as some sort of role model or the grass is greener fallacy, yet we never see the Black couples in such public displays of affection. Those of us who over-stand this have to continue to speak on it, and intentionally love each other. Appreciate you!